Jake's Party

Jake's birthday party was a lot of fun. I enjoyed seeing that happy, clapping, smiling, cake-covered boy in all his glory. As the world revolved around him and attention rained down on him he smiled and giggled and made the day lots of fun. Of course he didn't care so much about his gifts and digging into his cake and painting it on himself was clearly his highlight. He enjoyed the kids more than anything and I'd have to say his favorite gift was probably the buzz lightyear doll thats nearly as big as him that he tackled and smothered in kisses.

But sitting there I couldn't help but miss my grandma. That used to be her apartment. Its backwards from how she had it. The TV on the opposite end of the room. Couches turned all different ways. Not the same. He's made it his own. But when I look around I still see her stuff, the way it was. I miss her. I started to think about years past .. Christmases and thanksgivings, birthday parties and family dinners. All there, in that apartment. I looked out the window, something was missing. The tree that her fake cat used to sit in ... the cat posed as if it was sneaking up the tree to catch a bird. Why is it gone? It added so much to the little garden island. I'm sad Jake will never know her the way we all did. I wondered if my brother ever sits there and misses her. How hard it must be to live there. I'm not sure I could do it. Maybe it would just be hard for me, and it isn't at all for him. I don't know. I don't want to know. It is what it is. But today, as we celebrated baby Jake, there were moments (many of them) that I missed her, and wished she was there.

Happy Birthday, once again baby Jake. I'm so happy to have you in our lives.