Happy Birthday, Robert

Today, not just an ordinary day, I miss you more than usual. Today, thoughts of you mist up my eyes, that happens sometimes. Less now, but it still happens. I often find myself wishing you were here. I know the love your brothers are missing from you, a love they will never know. They will never know that when you loved someone, you loved with all that you had. They will never know that you didn't just say it, but showed it in every way. They will never know your quiet, calm, patient manner or the soft spoken tone of your voice. They will never know, even though I tell them, how much I love you or how special you are. You're missed. There is a gaping hole in our family, one that nobody likes to talk about. One that people go out of their way not to mention. I guess they don't know that even though they don't say it, we still feel it .. every minute of every day. I guess they think ignoring it makes it hurts us less. They are wrong. It does hurt less, as time heals all wounds. But this one, will never be healed.

I wonder what it would be like if you were still here. What job you would work, what car you would drive. I wonder if you would have a girlfriend, or a wife (you would be 22 now) or even a child. I think of these things and then realize how much we got stolen from us.

It angers me that the killer still walks free. Does as he pleases and lives his life. Though, what kind of freedom must that be? It angered me more to see that his brother murdered someone else. Disgusting that there are families out there, parents who have raised these young men ... to be murders. What must their parents think? What kind of childhood did these children have? I don't know how many kids are in that family, at least 4 boys that I know of, but I know one brother killed himself as a young teen and 2 of the other brothers have become faces on a most wanted website for murder. Clearly this is a family that needs prayers. I am not angry at the people, or God, or anyone really. Its the situation. It sucks. I hate driving to a cemetery to lay flowers down for birthdays and anniversaries. I hate that your life was stolen away from you, especially by someone you loved and helped in so many ways.

Happy Birthday, Robert. We love you. We miss you.